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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27122701">We would never work</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967'>MakennaSweets1967</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Overthinking, Pining Dean Winchester, Sad with a Happy Ending, Supportive Sam Winchester, everyone knows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:30:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,625</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27122701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Discovering a thing called jealousy Dean decides to do what he always does. Run. But who said that's what Castiel wants.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel (Supernatural)/Original Male Character(s), Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We would never work</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I did it too get a lot of my own feelings out.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
The impala door squeaked on its hinges as Dean threw the door open. Sneezing once into the crook of his arm. Great, he thought I'm going to get sick too.<br/>
<br/>
Let's just say Dean hadn't had a very good day.<br/>
<br/>
First, he woke up late with a massive headache, and hardly managed to make it to his first class of the day on time. Then after waiting around in the car. Which in itself was a good time, after all, that's what he had his (Led Zeppelin) cassette for. But no amount of Zep could boost his spirits when his last two classes of the day had midterms. Midterms in which he had not studied for and most likely failed. Finally on his way home he nearly got hit by a large semi, who decided red and green are the same color.<br/>
<br/>
But all that doesn't matter because at least he gets to go home to Cas and have their Friday night movie night.<br/>
<br/>
Cas has been his friend since what seems like forever. If he really thought about it, he may be able to come up with a number, but he doesn't. All he knows is that he is irrevocably in love with him. A fate he denied himself so long; because even if he took a risk it would not matter. No, Cas already has a boyfriend. Plus, it's easier this way, no harsh rejection, or telling his fairly close-minded parents. It is just easier to be Cas's friend. Getting to be Cas's closest friend is enough at least that's what he tells himself.<br/>
<br/>
Dean trudges up the treacherous three floors to his apartment; it's great exercise but he'll be glad when the dinky elevator shaft is fixed.<br/>
<br/>
"Cas, Ready for movie night!" Dean calls into the room. The question falls on deaf ears, maybe Cas worked till later.<br/>
<br/>
Placing his bag down Dean walked to the kitchen for a snack. That is when he noticed the little neon yellow sticky note on the counter.<br/>
<br/>
The note read.<br/>
<br/>
- Date with Carver tonight, sorry I'm missing movie night. I will make it up to you Saturday. We can watch your favorite movie with the guns and tuberculosis, whatever it is. See you later.<br/>
<br/>
Dean laughed looking over at the stack of movies he had just picked up at the local blockbuster. Tombstone sat at the top. Despite his laughter, he didn't miss how his mood slightly dampened. <br/>
<br/>
If Dean was a normal person, he would call up another friend and hang out with them, but he isn't. He doesn't have any other friends, at least none that could hang out. For so long he counted on Cas not having any either at least before Carver. Sure, there was Charlie, but she lived in California with Dean's brother Sam. Instead Dean resided to staying home watching one too many tiktoks as to not wallow in self-pity and then go to sleep.<br/>
<br/>
For a while Dean laughed falling deeper into the app, further and further down the page. Perhaps he would post some videos but that wasn't really him. He lacks too much coordination and could never do the transitions. He liked to just watch and laugh.<br/>
<br/>
That is before a set of familiar blue eyes appeared on the screen - Cas. Yeah, Dean knew he had an account, but he never saw it.<br/>
<br/>
Wow Cas is exceptionally good and has a fairly large following. That's how Dean ended up watching his best friend do a range of different videos. He felt a tad star struck at how Cas looked in some of his outfits and occasional makeup. Dean hardly got to see this side of Cas. That came to no surprise considering how conservative he grew up, and Cas didn't often leave his room with makeup and other crazy outfits on.<br/>
<br/>
Everything just amplified his <strike>love</strike> feelings towards his best friend, until a brand new video popped up. Bee's with this boy - the caption read.<br/>
<br/>
Dean's heart dropped, it felt as if it fell into a pit of tar. So heavy.<br/>
<br/>
To anyone else the video was good - perfect really but that was the problem it is perfect. Cas and Carver timed perfect to the music kissing - and being in love and happy.<br/>
<br/>
Dean knew he should be happy for them. This is his best friend and he's happy. His heart however kept clenching in a way that was just too painful. He couldn't even cry just swallowing around the lump in his throat. He couldn't tear his eyes away either, just watching it on a perpetually painful loop.<br/>
<br/>
Dean never really saw them being together. Sometimes he supposed his brain tricked him into thinking it wasn't real. That he could still call him loving names, and hint at the fact that he loves has feelings for Cas. But here it was clear as day, the truth. He had never been jealous before because he had never seen his crushes with anyone else. Now he understood what all those people had been talking about. Jealousy.<br/>
<br/>
Even as jealous as he is Dean knew. Carver really is good for Cas, they're a perfect match. They like the same things. Carver doesn't grumble (albeit secretly love it) when Cas wants to watch the bees. They are both good at things, good at life. Completely opposite of Dean. Carver has hopes, dreams, an ambition that he is striving towards. What does Dean have a minimum wage job and a few decent grades. He doesn't have a clue what he is going to do with his life. No major, no plans, nothing, when he looks into the future that is all he sees nothing. A vast expanse of blankness. No one wants someone who doesn't have a future.<br/>
<br/>
But most importantly Carver is open, he's out, to everyone. He takes no shit off anyone. Dean hardly brings himself to say it in his head. He is bisexual. He's convinced he can't tell his parents and what about Sammy. Dean can't offer anything.<br/>
<br/>
Yeah Cas and Carver are a perfect match and here Dean is. Sitting on the floor on a <a>Friday night</a> crying over a stupid tiktok while his heart breaks.<br/>
<br/>
"what am I doing" Dean says aloud to his reflection, when his phone finally decides to die "Flirting with Cas, pretending like I would ever have a shot"<br/>
<br/>
At that moment it was like a brick slammed into the center of his chest. Reality hitting him full force. Cas's hands all over someone that isn't him.<br/>
<br/>
Suddenly the anxiety creeped in, how could he look Cas in the eyes again knowing he practically lost him. No more looking with those longing stares. Calling him Sunshine and Angel he couldn't do that.<br/>
<br/>
Oh god.<br/>
<br/>
Cas is going to be home soon. Dean can't handle the happiness caused by someone else. The video playing over and over in his head.<br/>
<br/>
Without regard Dean barreled out of the apartment as if it were on fire. Tearing out of the driveway in his impala (baby).<br/>
<br/>
He's not going to say he pulled into a Walmart parking lot and cried. Sobbed in fact but infer what you will.<br/>
<br/>
When Dean returned to the apartment it was nearing one am. Everything was quiet.<br/>
<br/>
He slipped into Cas’s bedroom noticing the door was open wide. Typically, a sign that Cas wanted to know when Dean returned home. At that, his heart fluttered but it also ached, with new meaning.<br/>
<br/>
Looming over Cas’s sleeping form, he looked so peaceful. A slight part at the lips where he was puffing out breaths. His eyes and nose crinkled in the perfect way that made Cas all the more Cas.  Dean smiled over him, wishing he could see more than a darkened version of Cas in the dark. So he could trace him with the same love one last time before he had to move on.<br/>
<br/>
”I’m sorry” Dean whispered stroking the side of Cas’s face with a few fingers.<br/>
<br/>
Just before he left he pressed a soft kiss to Cas’s forehead. This time his voice barely came out a whisper, ”I’ will miss love-liking you”<br/>
<br/>
That night as Dean laid in bed, he made a promise to himself to move on. He knew that meant time away from Cas which ultimately would be hard, harder considered they live together, and harder even considering practically everything they did they did together. It wasn't too hard to figure out why Dean had <strike>fell for</strike> got feelings for the blue-eyed man. They were nearly a couple already. Just without the physicality, but for Cas it was probably just a profound bond. Platonic soul mates as Cas once coined them. Platonic. <br/>
<br/>
For the next few weeks, Dean avoided Cas at all costs. It was hard, hell it's probably the hardest thing he's ever done.<br/>
<br/>
He made sure to stay in his room until Cas left for <a>eight am</a> classes. Under the guise of still being asleep of course.<br/>
<br/>
That was one thing about Cas he was always up early, bright-eyed, and bushy tailed. Ready to conquer the day. After his coffee of course. Coffee which Dean and he would always share - and nope.<br/>
<br/>
Dean was thinking about him again.<br/>
<br/>
He avoided Cas in the night now too. Staying longer on campus asking about tests, and tutoring.<br/>
<br/>
Some evenings he'd go to the library. Or to Benny’s this seafood restaurant that served the best gumbo in Manhattan, hell, probably in all of Kansas. On a rare night, he would stoop so low as to sit in his car in any random parking lot just waiting.<br/>
<br/>
Once Cas had gone to sleep, Dean could creep in and sleep too.<br/>
<br/>
Trying not to remember the nights when he still allowed himself to love. How he imagined those perfect arms wrapped around his waist. Or Cas placing his hand on his shoulder before leaning down for a kiss. Lips on perfect lips. Tried not to remember all the perfect soft little moments he always hoped may one day happen.<br/>
<br/>
There he was thinking about him again not sleeping.<br/>
<br/>
It took everything in Dean not to text Cas or burst into the apartment to talk. To tell him about something in his life, or even just that he saw a bee in the park. He just felt compelled to tell Cas everything. Even when they were apart for the day, they were never part not like this. They would text each other through the day all day every day. About anything everything and nothing.<br/>
<br/>
It was like Dean was a dying man in the desert, and Cas was a large pond of water. Each time he got further he looked more inviting. However, each time he got closer he would realize it was a mirage something he could never have.<br/>
<br/>
There he was again fingers hovering over the keyboard. Everything felt heavy and his chest was tight. At some point, he felt as if he couldn't even breathe.<br/>
<br/>
Dean hadn't talked more than a few words to Cas this week. Yet every glimpse he got of Cas his heart fluttered and he was still in love.</p><p>Each time they spoke it was like getting swept under a wave dragged back to sea. They would be normal CasDean. Sometimes Dean would forget he was even supposed to be ignoring him because he couldn’t help himself. But then he would find his gaze lingering and bam he’d run again.<br/>
<br/>
Tonight after two weeks of not speaking to Cas, which in turn meant not speaking to much of anyone. Dean finally broke down. Another night of showing up late, but this time to find Cas’s door closed.<br/>
<br/>
Dean didn't want this. He still wanted Cas, needed him. But how? He couldn't just take the heartache. He needed time, so much time. It wasn't working, if Dean wasn't lying to himself, he always knew it wouldn't work.<br/>
<br/>
Cas was it, true love, his soul mate.<br/>
<br/>
Now though Cas was shutting the door. Before the years of friendship when they were just becoming friends, every summer Dean tried to push him away. Each summer he believed wholeheartedly Cas would leave, it was easier to push him away first than for their friendship to just fade. When college came, that was bad. Dean pushed and pushed, not talking, not texting.<br/>
<br/>
Yet every year, every time Cas stayed. Kept being his friend, through everything. To the point that now Dean believed him when Cas said he would always be Dean’s friend.<br/>
<br/>
When he saw that door closed something inside him fundamentally broke. Cas was gone. He is leaving Dean.<br/>
<br/>
He dropped to his knees, just in the doorway. Everything had been okay he was going to go to Thanksgiving to see Sam, and his mum, and dad tomorrow. Then when he returned, he would renew his and Cas’s lease and he would have moved on. At least enough to be okay again. But Cas was done this time.<br/>
<br/>
Dean let his face fall into his hands, tears flow from his eyes. He just sat there for a long while with his head in his hands, after some time he pulled himself up on shaky limbs. I guess this is it Dean thought this is it for them and their forever friendship that wasn't so forever. What did it matter anyway it was bound to happen? There was only a semester left for the two of them. Then they would be off in the real world where Cas would be a top-notch nurse and Dean would be nothing but a waste of a good body.<br/>
<br/>
Before Dean could get too lost before he could even reach for a beer bottle to ease his pain. The apartment door swung open. Revealing a frazzled looking Cas.<br/>
<br/>
”where were you!” Cas screamed at the back of Dean’s head ”I was looking for you everywhere! I just couldn't take it anymore! Every day now you ignore me, and you leave and I just- where we're you!”<br/>
<br/>
Dean turned around from in the kitchen glancing towards Cas’s door and then to Cas. He didn't leave Dean.<br/>
<br/>
Cas was full of worry Dean could tell, but then his face that began to twist with anger and then fell altogether. Cas strode across the room, delicately placing his fingertips over the tear streaks on Dean's skin. Dean turned his face away ”What’s wrong Dean”<br/>
<br/>
”nothin” Dean murmured through bit lip.<br/>
<br/>
Cas frowned crossing his arms over his chest, his voice hard and steady ”That’s not true. Why have you been avoiding me?”<br/>
<br/>
Dean shook his head, but he couldn't bring himself to look up at Cas. Instead, he noticed the way the linoleum twisted around. Little black swirls with hints of blue. Suddenly there was nowhere to look, nowhere that didn't remind him of Cas.<br/>
<br/>
”I’m not avoiding you” Dean could barely make out the sentence his voice wobbling.<br/>
<br/>
A haughty snort came from Cas ”Do you know how worried I've been Dean? I came back from my date, ” unintentionally Dean nearly flinched at that reminder. Cas tipped his head a moment ”you were gone. You've stayed gone. Fuck!”<br/>
<br/>
Cas tugged at his hair. Dean bit back his surprise Cas never cussed, ”Cas” Dean whispered reaching out.<br/>
<br/>
”No! You must stop this! I know school is ending and you think I'm going to leave, I’m not! You can't keep doing this! Pushing me away, every time a crossroad comes! Damn, Dean just because we are going to do something new doesn't mean I'm going to fucking leave you!” Cas yelled, and by the end of it he was panting. A scowl was etched into his face. The way his words boomed it was a surprise the plates hadn't fell from the cabinets.<br/>
<br/>
This was their first fight ever, everything between them had always been unproblematic. They just worked without fights. This was all so new.<br/>
<br/>
Dean clenched his jaw ”but you are going to leave!” he accused ”You are going to move in with Carver and get married and have some fucking children! You are going to be so god damn happy! Then what am I supposed to do huh! Pretend like I'm okay with you leaving like - like ugh!”<br/>
<br/>
Cas placed a hand on the side of Dean’s arm, his voice lowered but still with a bit of edge to it ”Even if I and Carver did stay together and moved in or had gotten married. I will still be here, I will still hang out with you, and be your friend.”<br/>
<br/>
Dean pushed off Cas’s hand ”Yeah that's the point, ” his voice broke, this was it everything was over and there was no pretending no going back after this. His voice roared ”That's the point Cas! You will still be my friend just a fucking friend! I can't watch that; I can't feel my heart shatter and still be your fucking friend! God Cas, I fucking like you!”<br/>
<br/>
Everything was hot for a moment, the two men further apart than they had ever been. Cas’s eyes bulged ”What are you saying, Dean.”<br/>
<br/>
Dean groaned ”I’m saying I'm stupid. I'm so god damn stupid. I thought. Fuck! I thought I could step away from you for a moment! Fuck! That I could move on! That I could stop fucking being in love with you!”<br/>
<br/>
Even Dean was surprised at his confession; he had really even said the L word in his head, but it is true. Dean watched Cas step closer gaping. For a moment there was almost a spark of hope. Until there wasn't, just confusion and maybe even a bit of anger. That’s what Dean expected anger and disgust ”But you can't-”<br/>
<br/>
”Stop.” Dean looked towards the door, ”I know Carver. You are happy. I have nothing to offer you. Fuck I’m sorry. We would never work anyway.”<br/>
<br/>
Dean bit back his tears, storming out of the apartment, grabbing his keys from the table beside the door. Cas still hadn't moved an inch. <br/>
<br/>
Without thought for the next hour and a half, Dean's life was filled with lonely streets and sketchy gas stations. From Manhattan to his parents’ home in Lawrence.<br/>
<br/>
It probably wasn't the best decision. His parents were going to question him. He wasn't supposed to be there for Thanksgiving until tomorrow. Nevertheless, everything hurt. He couldn't stay there anymore.<br/>
<br/>
His knuckles rasped on the large wooden door. The house had a fresh layer of white paint, Dean could just vaguely make out in the rising sunlight. There were pumpkins lining the walkway to the door, and a few other decorations. These always made Dean feel warm coming home, this time of year. However, this year it was merely a spark to go against his frigid body.<br/>
<br/>
Dean stood outside of a few minutes; this was not a good idea not at all. Everyone was surely asleep, and he didn't call or text.<br/>
<br/>
Slumping down on the porch Dean sighed.<br/>
<br/>
"Dean?" Sammy, questioned stepping outside on the porch in his pajamas.<br/>
<br/>
Dean smiled ever so slightly, getting up and throwing his arms around his brother "heya Sammy"<br/>
<br/>
When Dean drew back Sam had a surprised look on his face "Okay what is wrong? You never hug me at your own free will."<br/>
<br/>
"nothin," Dean waved off,  but slumped down on the foyer floor when Sam threw him a bitch face. Sam closed the door behind them sitting down as well. When he did all the tension died in Dean, the anger, and pain "I got into a fight with Cas."<br/>
<br/>
Dean squeezed his face tight as he held in his tears. He doesn't do chick flick moments. Over his life there were only a few times where his family ever saw him cry. That was always Sam's thing, no room for him to be emotional, no he learned to stifle his cries in the dark cover of the night.<br/>
<br/>
Sam frowned "Oh no what happened Dean."<br/>
<br/>
Sam knows Cas has seen him in all the years of the CasDean friendship; has his number sometimes keeps in touch. But his friendship was never the same as Dean's, not a profound bond. Over the year's Sam has joked about Destiel to Dean, but he never responded to it well. Sam always wondered how either of them couldn't see how much they lov-Care for each other.<br/>
<br/>
After Sam placed his hand on Dean's shoulder; it was as if everything he was holding back just vomited out of his mouth "I told him. Son of a bitch, I told him. He's going to leave Sammy, he's going to run so fucking far. I'm never going to see him again. He's going to hate me, and oh god Carver, He's so nice and he loves Cas. I fucked up. I fucked everything up. I'm such a screw up. I wasn't supposed to tell him! I was never going to tell him! But I told him!"<br/>
<br/>
His body was racking with sobs, but he couldn't stop, "What did you tell him"<br/>
<br/>
Sam patted his back, "I told him I love him." Dean's voice came out small, he looked up into Sam's eyes, his own reflecting a sheen of vulnerability his brother had never seen before.<br/>
<br/>
Then he froze, clasping a hand over his mouth in shock.<br/>
<br/>
But Sam didn't let the fear creep in not even for a moment instead he nodded, "Finally" he laughed and so did Dean "But I'm guessing it didn't go well."<br/>
<br/>
Dean shook his head pathetically "You should have seen the way he looked at me Sammy it was nothing but rejection. He was angry too. Sam what if he leaves, how am I supposed to live without him."<br/>
<br/>
"First of all Dean" Sam sassed "You will heal in time. Secondly, what did he say?"<br/>
<br/>
"I didn't exactly stick around to face the rejection, he was so mad Sam. He uttered out only ’but you can't’ and then silence. There’s no other way to interpret that. I ran." Dean slumped against the door.<br/>
<br/>
Sam stood, pulling Dean up as well "come on Dean, you better get some sleep I promise you'll feel better in the morning. Then I think you need to talk to him, no more running."<br/>
<br/>
Shrugging Dean followed Sam up the stairs into his childhood room. He tumbled onto the bed, but could still feel, Sam lingering in the doorway.<br/>
<br/>
"Go to sleep, I feel better Sam." Dean grumbled and a piece of him did; not a large piece but a piece.<br/>
<br/>
Just before Sam closed the door, Dean begged ”Please don't tell Mom and Dad about me and my Cas thing.”<br/>
<br/>
Sam gave a soft smile ”Of course Dean. I think you should tell them though.”<br/>
<br/>
The door shut softly behind him and Dean muddled the thought around in his head. Maybe John and Mary would surprise him, but right now he couldn't take it if they didn't.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Cas paced the apartment startled by Dean’s confession. God how he used to beg for Dean to say those words to say I love you too. As bad as it makes him feel sometimes, he still did. Late at night when the sleep deprivation clashed with cold air, he would beg for it. Just to be wrapped up in those perfect arms just once.<br/>
<br/>
Now Dean did it.<br/>
<br/>
He had never once given a beam of hope for Cas to latch onto always being a lady’s man. Sure, he only had one or two girlfriends in the time of them being friends but still. He always claimed to be perfectly straight. So, Cas had pushed it away to the furthest reaches.<br/>
<br/>
Carver... When Carver came along, he was cute with his button nose and the fringe bang hanging over his forehead. Cas decided he needed to move on but had he. Carver was amazing and caring.<br/>
<br/>
Yet when he saw something, a bee maybe, Dean was always the first person he texted, or when he passed a test. Dean. When he felt like everything was too much. Dean. When he woke up in the morning. Dean. When he fell asleep at night. Dean. When he found somewhere to go, like watching Bee's something, Cas knew Dean secretly loved. Dean. Always the first person to come to mind. Dean.<br/>
<br/>
Cas curled into himself on the couch after sluggishly pulling himself over there. Wrapping his arms around his body. The apartment felt colder. It was probably the cool night air but the sad part of Cas believe it was because Dean wasn't here.<br/>
<br/>
Sometimes Cas would lie to himself when he saw Carver again. Lie and think I've known Dean longer that's why he comes to mind first. Deep down though he knew that was just a lie.<br/>
<br/>
It's because even after all that time he was still in love with Dean.<br/>
<br/>
But Carver...<br/>
<br/>
More than he was afraid of hurting Carver he was afraid he had lost Dean. That's when Cas knew, he knew what he had to do. When his phone rang with Sam yelling at him about how he broke his brother's heart, Cas knew.<br/>
<br/>
Sorry Carver. He knew it would hurt for a while because they truly did like each other but Carver would be alright. That was his greatest features is his resilience, plus it's not like at least to Cas it ever felt right. Or felt like it just fit. When they would go and do things, he would unintentionally check his phone for Dean. Feel his heart skip a beat when it buzzed in his back pocket. Maybe that's why tonight after the date went on longer and he realized they were spending so much time together he hardly got to see Dean. They broke up.<br/>
<br/>
That's why he came home angry, maybe Dean wasn't fully to blame. But he thought Dean was pushing away again, afraid Cas would leave to go be with someone else.<br/>
<br/>
That isn't Cas though the truth is, everyone else is ruined. Cas would rather leave Carver then watch Dean push him away again the way he used to try. The way he abandoned him right after high school expecting Cas to what? Scurry away from the love of his life. <br/>
<br/>
No and god be damn if he was going to let it happen this time. He might have fucked everything up standing there in silent shock. Practical rejecting him with his disbelief. Dean might never want to see him again but he had to try.<br/>
<br/>
If it came down to it Cas would defy heaven, hell, maybe even God for Dean.<br/>
<br/>
Cas threw himself onto his cheap college mattress. For a fitful night of sleep.<br/>
<br/>
If there was one thing his mother taught him before she died it was people need time to cool off. And when she longed over his father who had long since abandoned him she would clarify saying but not too long. Cas trusted her, and he knew he could think clearer in the morning.<br/>
<br/>
In the morning when he came to, Cas haphazardly shoved some things into a bag. One for him and one for Dean. Because damn it if Dean didn't take anything, he needed with him. No phone charger, toothbrush, or change of clothing.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
The morning light burned through the light curtains onto Dean’s closed eyelids. Dean pressed his pillow over his face groaning into it.<br/>
<br/>
He frowned when he realized it wasn't all just a nightmare. No, he had told Cas, and he got rejected. After a few moments, Dean decided it was time to face the day. He ran his hands over his shirt in an attempt to soothe the wrinkles and threw back on the stiff jeans he was wearing the day before.<br/>
<br/>
In hindsight storming out of the apartment with nothing but his phone possibly wasn't the brightest idea. Though it's not like he was really thinking straight, he isn't sure if he is even thinking straight now.<br/>
<br/>
"Hey mom" Dean goes in to hug his mother, once he gets to the kitchen, where she is mixing up batter.<br/>
<br/>
"Dean" Mary wraps her arms around him pulling him in close. She smells like cinnamon and paprika, "When did you get here? I didn't think you were coming around till this afternoon."<br/>
<br/>
Dean pulled back, admiring the new white curtains on the sink window. They set perfect with the faded yellow wallpaper and creme countertops which were also new "I got here late last night; Sammy let me in. It was a bit of a spur of the moment thing, Cas and I got into a major fight. I'm not sure if we are going to be roommates anymore."<br/>
<br/>
Mary gasped placing a hand over her mouth, the other stroking back pieces of Dean's hair "I'm so sorry baby"<br/>
<br/>
Dean sucked in a deep breath composing himself, "It's alright mama. Where's dad I ought to go say hi since I arrived"<br/>
<br/>
Mary went back to her batter which Dean gathered to be pancake, based on the heating griddle "If he saw the impala out there, I'd bet that's where he is."<br/>
<br/>
Dean chuckled "You are probably right, I'm still surprised that he gave up baby to me."<br/>
<br/>
Mary nodded her head.<br/>
<br/>
Sure enough when Dean stepped out into the cool autumn air, he saw his father bent over the opened hood of the car. Fit with a rag in his back pocket and everything.<br/>
<br/>
"Dad" Dean called, walking and leaning against the driver's side door.<br/>
<br/>
John held up a finger, tweaking with a few more things before popping his head back out, "Dean, She seems to be in good shape. The oil is a bit low; you should check on that. Anyways welcome home."<br/>
<br/>
Dean slapped the side of baby, "I keep'er in good shape, per your warning what would happen if I didn't. Plus, you know I love'er."  suddenly feeling a bit too much like a car dealer, Dean stepped back.<br/>
<br/>
"Good. Glad your home son, Sam told me you got into some sorta fight with Castiel. if things don't work out you can always come back here and work in the shop." John concluded quickly; he was never much for words at least while sober. However, Dean couldn't help but find his offer a bit strange.<br/>
<br/>
"Thanks, I don't know what I am doing but I have enough classes to finish my degree with a major in engineering. I'll figure it out." Dean lied; he didn't know if he'd figure it out. Sure he managed to take enough classes that would set him up with a major in engineering but he wasn't sure if that was his true passion.<br/>
<br/>
John nodded closing the hood back, "alright I better go help your mother get that turkey in the oven that way it will be ready in time for dinner."<br/>
<br/>
Dean watched his father leave. He looked out over the street. Remembering the days when he and Sammy rode their bikes up and down the street. The fights they had in the muddy yard. Looking at each of the houses, his eyes fell on an old brown one down the street Lisa's house, his first girlfriend. Let us just say when Castiel came barreling into his life that ended quickly. Not that past Dean remembered it that way, he simply thought it was because she was a bad kisser. Dean shook his head frowning, he turned back to the house with taut shoulders.<br/>
<br/>
Before Dean reached the door, he heard a car door slam. Spinning around he saw Cas standing there right beside his gold Lincoln, with Dean's brown duffle in hand.</p><p>He remembered the first time Cas came to stay the night. Stepping out of the old pickup truck his mother drove, a spider man backpack in hand. His eyes beaming the brightest blue in the sunlight.<br/>
<br/>
"Here" Cas marches up to Dean shoving the bag into Dean's hand his voice hard and bitter "It's your stuff"<br/>
<br/>
Dean looked down at the bag, his blood beginning to bubble "What the fuck Cas"<br/>
<br/>
"No! You don't get to pull that! I just drove an hour and a half!" Cas started to scream, he wasn't going to be mad, he was going to be levelheaded. But when did anything ever work out when it came to Dean, emotions always ran high around him.<br/>
<br/>
Dean threw the bag to the ground "No! You are the one who doesn't get to pull that! I know you may not have liked what I confessed! I know you have Carver and you don't fucking feel the same! but you don't get to storm over here mad, kicking me out of our apartment! Don't you think the rejection hurt me bad en-enough." His voice broke, no it practically shattered, he was angry at the tears that sprung in his eyes. He was even angrier that his heart skipped a beat when Cas tilted his head to the side. Angier still when he saw his family exit the house from the corner of his eye. His voice wobbled "Do you have to make this a show Castiel"<br/>
<br/>
Cas shook his head, with an intensity he stayed determined, "You're an idiot Dean Winchester."<br/>
<br/>
Before Dean could protest, Cas's lips collided with his own. After the initial shock, Dean felt his lips moving with Cas. The kiss or more accurately kisses were sloppy, with a passionate fever to them that far exceeded the heat of the moment. Cas gripped at Dean's short hair, and Dean at Cas's trench coat clad back. By the time they broke apart they were both panting. Dean couldn't even open his eyes, still resting his head against Cas's. All his doubts were blank in his mind glazed over by pure bliss, nothing mattered except Cas in his arms.<br/>
<br/>
Until he heard his mom's high-pitched laugh. He snapped back into reality, jumping away from Cas's "Guess they worked it out. Looks we are getting that she shed I have always wanted. I told you they would get together before graduating." she mocked her body directed towards John's.<br/>
<br/>
"Damn it boys you could wait a couple more months" John grumbled, looking longingly at the driveway "I was going to get a classic car."<br/>
<br/>
Both Dean and Cas gaped at his parents in equal parts confusion and disbelief, "You bet on us"<br/>
<br/>
Mary nodded "Yes, come on John" she beckoned "Let's leave them to talk" just before closing the door to the house she called out "Oh and Cas I'm expecting you for dinner,"<br/>
<br/>
Dean blinked a few times, his worries about his parents just weren't even valid. They didn't care; in fact, they knew. Dean spun back around, his cheeks heated up at the sight of Cas's burning cheeks.<br/>
<br/>
Then it hit him all the doubts "Wait Cas" his eyes were wide and his voice fearful as he touched his lips.<br/>
<br/>
The last thing Dean wanted was to be a homewrecker, to mess things up even more.<br/>
<br/>
"shh" Cas placed a finger over Dean's lips "Carver and me are over. I broke up with him last night before I got home. You want to know why... it's because of you. I love you too Dean."<br/>
<br/>
Dean stepped closer to Cas "I don't understand... I thought.”<br/>
<br/>
But all of Dean's words trailed off hypnotized by Cas’s confession.<br/>
<br/>
”And I thought you were straight. That's why when I realized I loved you I pushed it away. I never told you because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Yeah, I liked Carver and I thought he could help me move on. He couldn't Dean I don't think I can ever move on from you, that's why I broke up with him. I would rather take being your friend than nothing at all. I didn't reject you; I was shocked.” Cas said stepping closer his hands on Dean’s chest. Dean’s hands covering them, with reassuring little squeezes.<br/>
<br/>
Dean fought a blush high on the tips of his ears, but Cas wasn't blushing ”Really?” he whispered.<br/>
<br/>
”Really” as soon as the words were out of his mouth Dean’s hand was cupping his face. Unable to handle the intensity of his gaze Dean dropped down capturing his lips. As opposed to the first kiss/kisses this one was soft, full of love, and perfectly short but still passionate.<br/>
<br/>
”God am I grateful to tiktok now” Dean laughed into Cas’s mouth kissing him again.<br/>
<br/>
Cas tipped his head to the side ”What do you mean.”<br/>
<br/>
Right, Cas didn't know ”The whole reason I freaked wasn't that I learned I am in love with you. I've known that since freshman year. I freaked because I saw you kissing Carver on your date and everything became so real. I realized I shouldn't call you angel and I was unconsciously trying to sabotage your relationship. So I tried to ignore you hoping to I don't know, let you be happy.”<br/>
<br/>
Cas shook his head “you're an idiot”<br/>
<br/>
”hey” Dean slapped his arm playfully ”you are too Mr. scream. I am sorry about that though. I know you won't leave me now. It's funny because before this when I thought about the future I never once was scared of you leaving. Honestly, when I thought about the future, I didn't see anything except you.”<br/>
<br/>
”Dean” Cas whined wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck ”I always see you in my future too. I love you so much.”<br/>
<br/>
Dean nuzzled against Cas’s cheek his arms around Cas’s waist ”I love you too Cas, be my boyfriend”<br/>
<br/>
”Yes”<br/>
<br/>
They kissed once more before pulling away and simply staring at each other as they always had. Except for this time, it was with love, not longing. They knew they didn't have to hold back. That tonight the arms wrapped around each other, legs tangled beneath the sheets, and hearts beating in sync would be a reality not just a lonely wish.<br/>
<br/>
It was only once Cas shivered did they realize how cold it actually was. The way Dean’s stomach grumbled reminded him that the world had drifted away to just them for a long time.<br/>
<br/>
”Come on Cas let's go inside. You want to stay right.”<br/>
<br/>
Cas kissed Dean’s forehead ”I want to stay. I will always want to stay, no matter how many times I must reassure you. Plus I may have put my bag in just in case you wanted me to move out.”<br/>
<br/>
Dean frowned but then let off a show-stopping smile wrapping an arm behind Cas as they walked towards the house ”You don't have to ever worry about that now”<br/>
<br/>
”Good” Cas bumped his hip on Dean’s swooning into him ”What about our bags”<br/>
<br/>
Dean waved his hand grabbing the door handle ”We will get them later. There is something I want to do first.”<br/>
<br/>
”Mom, Dad, Sammy!” Dean yelled.<br/>
<br/>
Once they were all sat around the dinner table, Dean grabbed Cas’s hand, holding it up ”This is my boyfriend Castiel”<br/>
<br/>
They eat and laugh at nothing really with Dean’s family really Cas’s family now too. Their hands intertwined underneath the table.<br/>
<br/>
Dean has reason to wonder what it would be like if he wouldn’t get so caught up in his own head. If had had just looked past the insecurity, and just told him. When Cas squeezes his hand ever so slightly as if he knows what Dean is thinking, he is grounded.</p><p>In his ear Castiel that night whispers “We have all the time in the world to make up for the ones we lost. I don’t think we lost those years because I had you by my side.”</p><p>“I don’t think so either” Dean smiles snuggling Cas closer. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you thought. Stay strong and keep fighting. - Makenna Sweet</p></blockquote></div></div>
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